Re: Simple Jokes

[rishi]

perfect

[~Anchal~]

Few unknown facts!

*Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

*Having one child makes you a parent having two, a referee.

*Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is husband!

*A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

*Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

*You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it.

*Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

*Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

*Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

*Marriage is give and take. You'd better give or she'll take it anyway.

*My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

*Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

*Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

*A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

*You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

*It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

*Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books

*Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you!

[rishi]

seriously seperb

[~Anchal~]

[VJeyaa]

truly remarkable anchal....

[purple matrix]

a lady wit her baby got in2 a bus.da bus driver said "ur baby iz so ugly".
da lady got angry.she paid da fare n went 2 da back of da bus mumbling and sat beside a old man
da old man asked da lady "y u r so angry?"da lady replied "da damn bus driver said my baby luk so ugly".
da old man said "how can he said tat?go slap tat idiot.B4 TAT LET ME HOLD UR MONKEY".

[aPPLe]

[rishi]

monkey baby..

[~Anchal~]

A doctor has some urgent matter coming up. He calls his orderly, Tom, and tells him 'Tom, I have to go off for the afternoon, we don't want to close the clinic, can you take care of our patients ?'

'Yes, sir......' answers Tom.

The doctor returns the next day and asks: 'So Tom, how did it go ?'

Tom tells him he took care of 3 patients. 'The first one had a headache so I gave him PANADOL.'

'Nice one Tom, and the second one?' asks the doctor.

'The second one had fever and I gave him PANADOL, sir' says Tom.

'Bravo Tom, and what about the third one?' asks the doctor.

'Sir, it was almost 5 pm . I was about to close. Suddenly the door opened and a woman entered like flame, she undressed herself, taking off her clothes, and lied down on the table and shouted :

HELP ME !!!? I have not seen any man for 5 years !!! '

'....and what did you do, Tom?' the doctor gets very curious. Not Panadol, but an injection I believe. No sir......' answers Tom. ' I can't do that, it won't solve the problem. I give her exactly what she needs !


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[rishi]

Interview

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says
"Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

[rishi]

Union Worker

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly,
"Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war...could you help me?"
"Of course, my son", Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.
Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When Jesus turned to heal the union worker, the guy put his hands up and
cried defensively, "Don't touch me! I'm on long term disability

[rishi]

Phone

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone"

[rishi]

If u r Cought Sleeping

Top ten reasons to tell if you were caught sleeping

10. They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
9. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.
8. Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time.
7. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
6. I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.
5. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercies to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?
4. Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem!
3. The coffee machine is broken.
2. Someone must have put the decaf in the wrong pot.
1. Amen.

[rishi]

The Wagon

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.
"Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up.
"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to.
"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.
"Don't be foolish !" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?
"Under the wagon!"

[rishi]

IRS

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton.
The president was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those bastards deducted $95.